It’s the 31st of December already!!!

Since I was feeling sentimental I went to flip through my journals and realised that I’ve been writing in them since 2009 :o That’s actually much longer than I remember or expected. This blog holds so many memories too but I think since I started using my planners to jot down what happened that day/my thoughts/reflections and not just using it as to do lists, I’ve posted less and less on this blog.

Fun things I found:

  • a birthday card that Jinn made me for my birthday in 2011 — he was 6 already (going on 7)  but he wrote that he was age 5 on the back, haha
  • on that same birthday card, he also drew a Christmas tree, which made me do a double take today because I am born nowhere near Christmas, hahaha.
  • a ticket stub for Night at the Museum 2 which we watched in p6! and I wrote “I know it’s going to fade so I’m going to draw it out” next to a COMPLETELY faded ticket stub. HAHAHA I am so amused at how…forward thinking 12 year old me was.
  • I found so many notes from friends that I don’t really keep in touch with anymore, and that makes me a little disappointed but ah well it was a choice I made.
  • in more recent times I also found a dream I jotted down last month while showing my planner to Zann — a super hilarious one where I discovered a shortcut to KE7 from Pioneer through hill. I hiked up the hill to look for Shean HAHA amongst other weird details, and the funniest thing was that I completely forget about that dream until I showed it to her.

After the parents came back from NTUC I was telling Mum that this year we needed to start spring cleaning especially early for CNY because our house is an absolute mess and she grumbled that no-one helps her clean up HAHAHA so I took it upon myself to clean up my table, the shelves and the big table. Zann’s table not my daiji though HAHAHA. And I managed to clean up a large bit because OMG the books were just NOT BEING PLACED PROPERLY like they were lying all over the shelf so of course it looked messy. :-(

And now Zann and I are gonna plan our future studio apartment heh.  Maybe I’ll do a proper write-up on 2017, or maybe not, we’ll see how :-) Happy new year!!


Hullo! I’m trying to stave off the sleepiness so I can go to sleep at a normal time, not 2 am nor 7 pm, thank you camps for ruining my sleep cycle HAHA.

Anyhow, I still cannot believe that I, the hermit of the family, signed up for two camps in a row. That’s SEVEN days (and it lasted eight unofficially, because we ended past midnight) of intense human interaction. I must be evolving, lol.

These two camps got the least preparation EVER. I was working all the way up til Monday, took a day to rest on Tuesday, and went off to camp on Wednesday. I threw everything in within a day, told myself to screw it and went without a pillow, sleeping bag, or even a yoga mat LOL. And because I went home for one night before my doctor’s appointment, I forgot to bring my toothbrush back, meaning I had to brush my teeth with my fingers and toothpaste for two days. RABAK srsly.  And since we ended past midnight Huimin and I just crashed in the TV lounge at 4am (after everyone left) and we got woken up by Chiara at 5 bc she woke up and needed to collect her camera HAHAHA. I was definitely NOT conscious when I opened the door for her lol. Later at 10ish I asked “eh if I were you I’d have waited til a normal time before bothering to collect the camera leh” “Oh ya. I must not have been properly awake at 5am.”

I turned 2 shades darker, and mum said “you didn’t even turn this dark when we went on holiday!”

And then the next day I met Cara to go to SC! So amazed at how the SC primary teachers can remember our names, good heavens. No wonder my mum is a teacher, they all have fantastic memories. And we had a good chat with the SC sec teachers too!! We roamed around the staff room trying not to be a nuisance hahaha.

Then at night I had CCA and I complained that I was soooo tired and when Peng Wan found out that instead of sleeping the whole day I had gone out she shook her head at me disapprovingly.

On Friday I had to meet the tuition agent, then rushed off to Hwach for USP promotions! And I was such an idiot and got off at Nanyang/NJC which I thought was opposite gate 2 but I ended up at the high school side, good gracious. I had to run across the road to gate 2. At least this time I had less goosebumps and felt less dread in my stomach when I went in. Maybe because it was so hectic with all the students. And I’m so sad because Alicia was there but I didn’t get to see/talk to her!!! :-(((( As if the hall very big leh but no.

And still more activities to come! By far, this has been the most hectic holiday in my life.

life unemployed

been spending lots of time at home thanks to my 1 week MC ha ha. /sobs inside/

one of the days last week, mum and er yi were talking about ear piercings (which mum KEEPS on asking if i want thus making me want it even less. guess i’m just a defiant kid haha) and they went on a tangent talking about how thick/thin each person’s lobes were. highlight of the talk was of course zann because she has ears like buddha lol very thick. below is my beloved mother using a long ruler to measure our earlobes (yes, she eventually got to me as well — mine are 0.5cm thick and mum’s are 0.4. in case anyone ever needs the information)


on friday night zann and i decided to go on an early morning walk to explore hillview! so i woke up bright and early and shook her awake. video below!!!

other uncaptured moments: after the green corridor, we had to climb down this very steep slope (pathless mind you, meaning it was just soil) and it was slippery because it had rained the night before. zann managed to go down pretty fast but i was like “i am going to keep my phone in my bag so i have both hands free in case i fall” “ok whatever” in my defence i have a slight fear because when we went trekking in cameron highlands i stepped onto a log which was slippery and almost slipped down the cliff LOL i froze there squatting on one leg until faith helped me up HAHAHA. we went to hillv2 to buy something to eat but then the grocery shop was closed and we didn’t realise until we went riiiiight up to the glass door and it didn’t open. lol. so we went to cedele instead and i watched her drink a mango lassi and eat a brownie (i already had tea before going but she rolled out of bed and went) i found 4 mosquito bites :( on our way back we walked past that steep slope and saw 2 ladies: one was waiting for the other at the bottom. just like us HAHAHA.


lol i think i drew my brows too thick here HAHAH O WELL but the next day (sunday) we went to changi airport to pick xiao gu gu and zoe up!!! i was so shocked because she initiated a hug with my mum immediately HAHAHA if it were me i’d never even touch someone i’d barely met. i was going to be quite content just waving at her to say hi but she came up to me for a hug too and who could resist such a cute kid right. funniest part was gugu telling zoe “do you see your uncle kwong??? he’s over there!!” /gestures in the general direction/ but yknow so many people were in that direction LOL HOW TO TELL WHO EXACTLY IT WAS RIGHT HAHA. “can you recognise him?” [at this point zoe shook her head slightly “go run over and give your uncle kwong a hug!!” and she legit took a few steps and i immediately put my hand on her shoulder and was like “no no no what if you hug the wrong person!!!!!” so funny. just like the last time zoe came over 4 years ago gugu came through the glass doors, left her with us and went back in to get her luggage — you could see the tears form in the little kid’s eyes as she stared up at the group of strangers (namely, us) and of course she started bawling within a minute HAHAHA who wouldn’t right??

on monday the upstairs neighbours started to drill their floor for renovation and it was so noisy we took refuge in shean’s house haha. the tie i was making grew quite a fair bit as i was lying on the floor and knitting. er yi also showed mum the bluetooth speaker she got on offer and used my phone to play youtube videos of drama OSTS ha ha ha. and the next day mum came back with a bluetooth speaker as well. not the exact one, but a bluetooth speaker all the same.

on tuesday i finally got to treat my family to ice cream!! i had been planning to since father’s day but we got busy that weekend, then the next weekend i was in hospital, so finally this week we got to go! dad sponsored the meal and i paid for the earthquake from swensen’s — because by then i think i had missed more than 10 days of work already OTL. it’s nice having a job because then i get to treat my family :-) (once a year only haha last year it was ajisen)


that’s all!! and tmr i’m going back to work! :-) just for a few more weeks until camp starts!

Krabi 2017: Monday Buddhas and Earth Goddesses!


FOC event on 10 Jun with TAPpies!! :-) That was a long and tiring day lol I rushed home and started packing right after the event. But on to the meat of the post: We went to Krabi for 5 days this June, from 11 June to 15 June.


We went for our first meal while waiting to check in, and I ate Thai mango sticky rice for the first time! I didn’t expect that it was warm. And I also tried Thai iced tea for the first time!!! I didn’t know it was red. I learnt many things that day.

This was a pretty free-and-easy trip with a few day tours that Dad booked. We went island hopping to Paradise Island, where there was a jellyfish that frightened everyone out of the water for about 30 mins haha. We also went to Hong Island Lagoon where it was SOOOO quiet and peaceful. It was so calming just drifting around. And we also went to the Hong Island beach and the waves were really strong. And LMAO I think now wherever I go I will never be able to forget Mrs Chua PL going on about swash and backwash. HA HA. “Next time when you go on a date to the beach with your boyfriend then you can think about the swash and the backwash! Cannot be a filifala girl!!!” It’s amazing, the beach on the side where the oblique waves point towards really had smoother sand.

That evening we took a walk along the beach before dinner. We had crabs that dinner! It was good but they don’t remove the gills before cooking so that was something new.

The next day was a free and easy day without any plans, so Mum, Dad and I went to get a Thai massage. I came out smelling like a kueh bangkit thanks to the coconut oil they used. At night I think Mum had gotten quite sick of eating pad thai so we searched for some other cuisine and I recalled that there was a Korean food stall that we went past. In the end we didn’t go to that one because it was a KBBQ place, but we walked about 30 mins to go to a restaurant called Dae Jang Geum Korean Restaurant. The ajumma gave us 서비스 “service” ramyeon noodles hehe. Near the end I finally mustered up enough guts to speak more korean than 감사함니다 (thank you) and told the ajumma “안녕이 계세요” and I literally saw her eyes light up and she clutched my hand.

At this point I managed to stutter out that I learnt korean at school in the exact same way our teacher taught us last sem (저는 학교에서 한국어를 공부함니다!) and mumbled that she was very friendly (어머님이 너무 친절해요 which she was!! really and truly)

I’m sure in the process I dropped some particles here and there but she held my hand as if I were her long lost daughter haha 😊 She was really nice when two Korean girls came in too! She must really miss hearing/speaking her mother tongue. I don’t really remember what she looked like but I remember her hand was so white and very soft. HAHAH I sound like a pervert but it’s really because my own hands are very rough LOL.

oh and one more thing: I REALLY didn’t expect that I would need to bust out my LK9001 skills in krabi. lol. I thought I would next use it when school reopened at the earliest.

The fourth day we went to visit the Tiger Temple and also Emerald Pools and a hot spring. I liked the Tiger Temple! There weren’t any tigers, but there were some Buddha statues and monks and nuns! A nun tied an amulet around my wrist. It managed to stay on for the duration of the trip (with maybe a re-tying or two) but it’s hanging on my backpack now. It’s quite interesting because the Thais have very specific Buddhas! Like if you were born on a Monday you have a Monday Buddha, and so on. But Wednesday is divided into two, one for morning and one for evening, because it’s the middle day or something. More here! And also the Earth Goddess, apparently the water that comes out when she washes her hair is used to cleanse the Earth/drown demons.

And after that we went to swim around in the Emerald Pool. There was a dragonfly that flitted onto my finger and after flying away, came back again twice or thrice. Maybe I’m a Dragonfly Whisperer LOL. It was looking at me!! When I moved the angle of my hand its eyes turned to fix on me HAHA. And after we managed to take a good photo on the 4th try, it flew away. We concluded that it was posing for a picture. Jinn also managed to make a bathrobe out of his backpack and large towel, hence the photo of him. HAHA can’t tell right??

In the afternoon Zann and I walked around the streets while Mum and Dad got a leg massage and Jinn was lazing in the hotel playing with his phone. I was in the midst of saying “hey we should tell mum and dad that we left the room already”, when we saw two figures waving at us animatedly behind a glass window. It was Dad and Mum LOL. No need for any more Whatsapp message haha. I bought coconut ice cream!! They drizzled chocolate on it and added peanuts, and helped us scrape the coconut flesh, all for 80 baht. Not bad leh cos Zann said in Singapore it costs $3-4 and for a smaller portion and they don’t scrape the flesh either. I think the auntie gave like 5 scoops of ice cream. I thought she was gonna stop at 3 scoops then she just kept going HAHAHA. The ice cream was very sticky, almost like a gelato. And the coconut taste was very strong, and blended well with the chocolate sauce!! (Look at me, talking like I know anything about food HAHA) The auntie very kindly obliged to take a photo with me. Zann bought some chicken kebab-y thing. It wasn’t bad either! We also walked to the larger mart down the road and got some food for our friends back home, and OH there was milo ice cream for 15 baht so of course I had to try it. (OK it all sounds very unhealthy but it was only one day where we did that, the other days we swum around a lot HAHA) I got the milo ice cream and Zann got a panda shaped one. I think I got the better deal haha because milo is The Best and hers was just a normal chocolate flavour. And I’ve never seen milo ice cream here!!

When we got back it was nearly dark and we took a tuk-tuk to a food centre further down the beach. It’s like the Thai version of Serangoon Gardens, I feel. The food took pretty long to come so Mum and Dad went to either the toilet or Family Mart to look at something. Jinn asked for Dad’s phone so he left it, and when the food finally came I was like “OMG call dad!!!” “But isn’t Dad’s phone with Jinn????” “OMG. OK whatsapp mum!!” “BUT WAIT she has no wifi!!!” (she was using Dad’s hotspot) L O L what a joke. But luckily they came back within 5 minutes of the food coming and we all started eating.

And the next day we checked out and went back to Singapore!! I also brought back some bacteria from the water there, I think LOL and got and infection and was hospitalised for like 5 days (over Hari Raya SOBS MY LONG WEEKEND) so that’s essentially 2 weeks of work I’ve missed :-( MY SALARY D: But luckily Evelin was nice enough to help me take a photo of my timesheet, and Stella, Serene and Chloe also came to visit!! With Polar cakes hehe.

edit: i made a video!!!! idk why it’s so grainy and i think imovie got more complicated/gives less control nowadays but here it is!!

may 2017: the month of arts and culture!

oh, how many things have piled up for me to blog about! i wanted to do it separately but it’s been a pretty hectic month. may flew past so quickly.

on the 6th i went to the singapore art book fair with zann! i bought a book and a sushi enamel pin from @chirashibomb. anyway when i went there she reminded me of jillian and jing who are each running their own online shops selling calligraphy and self-designed stickers respectively. and i just felt so glad for them because they can use their creative outlets and also make a profit from it!! so wonderful! hope they can continue for a long time :-) and ya that’s why i was especially motivated to buy things that day to support local artists. oh and also we both dressed up HAHA so we had to take a picture for evidence to show our dad that we are not actually as sloppy and zai nv as he thinks. (though us needing to take the evidence itself already says enough….. ha ha)

the next day i met denise and hannah at star vista for a poke bowl! (i keep accidentally calling a pokeball instead haha) it was good to catch up, i think i hadn’t seen them in just under a year.

and right after that on the 8th i started work! and promptly caught the flu on the second day of work from those who just came back from MC. lol. and thus i spent vesak day coughing my lungs out. and also doing USP FOC photo shoot at gardens by the bay.

i still went back to work and then after that i went for seniors’ camp LOL. i thought i’d make it but i had to take an MC the next day because i really couldn’t breathe properly.

the next weekend, on the 20th, i went to watch a play (a midsummer’s night dream) at SOTA with zann!! it was really good hehe such young talents!! and what on earth how come all of them look so handsome/pretty?? must be the SOTA food. what are they being fed, i want some too LOL. but anyway, back to the acting. it was so good, the leads really could make me believe that they were indeed in love with each other. marvellous. and the tickets were cheap too HAHA. $10 for about 90 minutes of good entertainment. worth it.

and the weekend after we had the WSC dry run. nothing much to say, the event’s on 10 jun. i’m quite disgruntled because i’ve been asked to change my station game nearly 5 times. i don’t have that many ideas in my brain.



​today i went down to hss studio for the usp play photo shoot! millions of funny clips. i managed to teach vern, vess and justin how to knit haha!

tomorrow there’s wsc handover dinner. it’s going to be an extremely short weekend :( not a single total day spent at home ahhhh.

and in the past 3 weeks i’ve also been meeting friends like tasha and finally getting to catch up with her haha. i think i last met her before uni started.

also met charm and qinfang, with whom i tried boost for the first time!! it was nice.

i also met nads — we went to miniso at bishan and omg. there were such adorable soft toys. i want one for my hall room next year. when i get my pay this month i shall go get it. heh. oh yes and we also got gongcha since it’s closing down! i got early grey milk tea BUT DISAPPOINTINGLY ENOUGH it didn’t have enough tea taste and too much milk taste. :-( we were going to meet fen too but she had last minute medicamp things so we told her to go home and rest since it was p late already!

and the next day i met AT at bugis to eat ah bong’s italian! it was interesting and the place was small so the owner was very…. friendly? he recommended the uni pasta ($14) which i got, and was apparently the first customer to try the pasta haha. i was expecting to see the actual uni but it’s mixed into the sauce so it looked like plain pasta with some cucumber cubes. it was so funny though. after the owner put the plate down he left, then 2 minutes later he came back and asked “can i ask an awkward question? …. did you guys happen to take a picture?” and by that time it was already half-eaten lol. sorry man, i don’t usually take pictures of my food…. and even if i did my insta is private so it wouldn’t appear in the tags nor the hashtags or whatever. he kept recommending the uni pasta to other customers haha i think he was very keen on increasing publicity. we stayed there really long! even people who came after us left first. the ambience there is quite nice and quiet enough to chat, but noisy enough not to be overheard. and the portion is quite big, so i think it was quite worth the price la. and it was actually the cheaper option, there was handmade pasta for $5 more. but since i’m not a pasta connoisseur, i skipped that option. it would be wasted on me LOL. the dried pasta was still good though!!

and after we left i had to pop by guardian because it was the last day of some promotion with $6 dove shampoo or something. on the bright side i finally used the $20 vouchers that i won!! before its expiry was even close. good job, rui! i was reminded to because the man in front of me used his vouchers and i was like HEY I HAVE THOSE TOO!!!!


but yes. it’s been really nice to catch up with friends over a meal. i want to have a weekend to myself soon, but i doubt that’s gonna happen since next week is the wsc event and the very next day we’ll be off to krabi! i’m terribly excited because i’ve never been to thailand.

OKAY. need to catch up on sleep now. gotta wake up early tmr to swim bc i haven’t at all this week. BYE!!!

How quickly this semester has passed!! In reverse order, because that’s how the photos appear, haha. Gotta be quick since finals are coming up, but the space on my phone is also running low (and so I need to clear these photos)

While doing our Stats project, we got tired and discovered all of us had special talents.

And we also had a First Aid course the Saturday before! So fun hehe.


Exam Welfare Pack 2.0 Prep and the day itself!! I was falling sick around there and almost lost my voice. That was one hellish week because that week there was a Developmental Psych + EWP and I started studying the night before the quiz since the weekend was burnt with my fever + cough. But I survived! Yay.

Went for a walk with Zann and finally found the orange cat, which I hadn’t seen for some time. Also: CNY dinner at JJ’s house!

We also went to Gardens by the Bay over the holidays.

And Korea trip! Shean, Zann and I went to this river when we were given free time! I’m so glad we did, it was such a lovely walk. And I got to see the river that appears in dramas!! Lol.

Crashing waves in Jeju! The wind was so strong. And of course we went to the Teddy Bear Museum which was heavily featured in Goong. Hehe. Also: Gorgeous view from the top (middle?) of Hallasan!

A street near Ehwa University, and a random museum we went into for its toilet. Funny thing was we asked the person at the counter in Korean where the toilet was and so, naturally, she replied in Korean and we realised we could ask her in Korean BUT WE COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HER ANSWER LMAO maximum embarrassment levels lol. That was before I took Korean Level 1. Hopefully if I go back I’d be able to understand HAHA.

Sem 1 now: USPooky! So cute right our batch ordered onesies together from Taobao.

And I think this was the last or so sessions from sem 1 haha we decided to take a “class photo”!

Sobs can’t wait till summer break is here!! I signed up for the USP play to help as Lights hehe. I’ve missed being in the AV room/having a performance to work towards. But also gonna get a job at TTSH. I wanna learn how to sew too! And volunteer at IMH (if I have time, or else I’ll start when school does) And drive (but that can wait till Y2S2 too). Hope I can manage everything *crosses fingers*

할말이 많은데 정리가 잘 안돼

Today was the second time I attended Mass. The last time I went, I went with Joanna and it must have been 2012/2013. And as usual after attending religious ceremonies I came away feeling very confused about what I want from life. I need some time to sift through these thoughts, and what better way than to start writing here? Title is from Seventeen’s Pretty U and means Got so much to say but can’t organize myself which is extremely fitting haha.

During today’s Mass some things changed from 2012, and some stayed the same: As always, I felt out of place when they sang and recited the phrases in unison. Obviously, being in a new social situation it’s quite expected with in-groups and out-groups and me being in the latter.

There’re a few odd feelings/thoughts: Suddenly thoughts of The Giver come to mind — thank you sec 1 LangArts lessons — and I recall how the community in the story would mourn the dead by chanting their name over and over. And also the unnerving thought of did I step into a cult oh no  even though I probably didn’t. Who knows what cults are actually like though. And also memories of kindergarten where all of us just sang the songs happily together and it was fun. With the added filter of ah but I’m not even in the religion so isn’t it odd for me to be singing these songs of praise?

What differed from 5 years ago (good gracious time flies very quickly) was that my attention kept drifting from the speaker thanks to all those thoughts, haha. I was very absorbed in the priest/pastor’s story back then! I somewhat remember the story, haha. It was about some girl in a hospital with a purple aura.

There was something called Witness Wednesday after Mass where a student gave the talk. which was about the “one thing” to seek in life.  (No points for guessing what the answer is, I mean who are we kidding right we’re in a post-Mass talk.) Anyhow, it was mentioned if you hear the message from God and act upon it you are a wise man, and if you hear it but do not act you are a foolish man. So I was sitting there thinking “huh but then what about those who don’t hear any message?” And right at that moment “I’m sure all of us sitting here have heard the message,” said the speaker. HUH WAIT did he just say we all have heard the message but- So someone inviting me to church is a message oh my goodness then how many times had I heard the message but failed to act?

But at the same time I’m also not gonna convert just because a friend asked me once right like…. when I hear about people talking about their “calling” I certainly did not expect it to simply just be the act of accompanying a friend to church.

Back then, and now still, when I went for these religious events I was and am still caught up in the moment and yes I want to be a good person and have direction in life like wow. It sounds so good. (I realised today that the music really does sweep people along. Nwoye was right all along!!! Something something music tickled his heart and … stream? water? OK I went to search it and I am absolutely wrong ahaha. “The words of the hymn were like the drops of frozen rain melting on the dry palate of the panting earth.”) ((And also yet another reason why I was distracted: I was thinking about Things Fall Apart and also ahhh music is how the missionaries converted others because music is universal~~~))

Related to music, a sudden memory popped into my mind during the talk, I think it was because the speaker said the word “ship” and suddenly I remembered the song that goes With Christ in the vessel which somehow was sung on the bus in Suzhou in p5. I felt so happy singing that song at the time because ayyy I know this song!!! Even though I’m not Christian!! Thanks to kindergarten!!! Singing together can really make you feel part of the in-group. In hindsight though I wonder about the friends that didn’t know the song — how did they feel being left out? And it was also not very nice of us to be singing so thoughtlessly. Though I guess we were just 11 year old kids.

But now, I also think of how so many churches have gay reform camps/discriminate against single mothers etc etc and I also wonder how I can subscribe to such beliefs? On the other hand I just googled a bunch of phrases such as “pope stance on ____”and wow he seems like a very Good person.

And evangelisation: On the one hand I can understand why friends do it — they saw the light and care about you and don’t want you to go to hell. But on the other hand I also thought “everything in it’s own time” is something that is commonly said? If it is meant to happen it eventually will; and if not no matter what you say or do, it won’t. And also isn’t it good to be considerate of your friends’ choices though?

During Ethics, Prof Clarke posed a question: Is the act good because the gods love it, or do the gods love the act because it is good? It’s kind of a chicken and egg question. But if you do something good because someone powerful told you to do so is it really a good thing? And if another person did the good deed without any higher power telling him to do so, wouldn’t you consider the atheist to have a heart that is more good? But the religious person will go to heaven/jannah and not the atheist.

Also during Ethics (again, haha) we learnt that pre-axial religions had people worship gods out of practicality, and axial religions worship gods because it is the good thing to do. When people talk about God, I normally hear things about how He is very loving and almost like a friend walking next to you. But it’s so hard to imagine such a kind being not accepting people who didn’t convert. In a way, it’s much easier to believe in the pre-axial gods like the capricious Greek and Roman gods. Just give offerings to Neptune/Poseidon and your ships will sail safely, please Hestia and your kitchen will not lack food.

I realise suddenly everything just started colliding together: On Sunday I met Sharm, Lau and ZR for lunch and we were discussing religion; for Ethics there were 2 religious texts and 1 philosophical text to analyse, and going for Mass today. Oh man this whole post is a utter total mess and nothing makes sense but I remember Denise once told me religion isn’t supposed to make sense, if it did it’d be called logic. And that’s why it’s called a leap of faith.

But that’s a really cop-out answer!! How frustrating, I’m going in circles driving myself into a frenzy and not being able to sleep. This post is a monstrous size.


hmmm i just realised that i forgot to click publish on the last post. i’ll just edit the date to last week haha.

we went out for dinner on friday night and i was just extremely glad to be back in the company of my family — staying in hall has made me all the more appreciative of having people to talk about how my day went (though, now it’s how my week went since…. a week passes before i see them, ha)

we were chatting in the car and zann was telling me about her ejc leadership camp or something along those lines and how this guy insisted on helping to hold the door instead of her even though he was the absolute last person walking through and she was the first. lmao.

also i was telling them about my slightly distressing thursday — someone said i looked malay and i was like ???? i’m not even tan leh and while looking malay is not inherently a bad thing i am chinese!! and i want to look like what i am :( she said it was because my hair was curly but…… not everyone has silky straight hair ok.

and then nearly right after that some guy tried to take the seat i was saving for winnie so i said “sorry, i’m saving that seat for someone!” and he was like “huhhhh???” so i repeated myself and he mumbled something like “asdjodginfs” and i huhhh??-ed right back at him.


and finally i couldn’t take it so i rolled my chair riiiiight up to him and said “sorry??????” to him and i was able to understand him at last. he was asking if the seat next to the saved seat was free. sigh. why couldn’t i communicate with him. why couldn’t i understand him?

anyway, so i left lab questioning my appearance as a chinese and my ability as a human to understand a fellow human.

halloween is coming up and i’m excited for the event! and USP FOC subcomms have been decided and i’m an OGL!

i realise i’m so glad to finally be back in a community that i want to serve and give back to. in fact, glad doesn’t even cover it. the word i should be using is relieved. i’m so relieved i could cry. i hadn’t realised how much i enjoy doing all the stuff that people call saikang. i don’t know if i enjoy communities that i contribute to more, or contributing makes me like the community more?

(there’s a difference but idk if the syntax is letting the difference show argh) either way not being involved in jc/being in a community that i didn’t want to be involved in was so shitty and i legit felt like i was regressing as a person — from my 16 year old self to my 18 year old self i became much less the person i wanted to be. but thank god i’m in uni now and i actually want to contribute and be involved and i am so much happier for it.

just finished doing my bio online mod and i rewarded myself with editing the arts awareness article (which yj asked to make more personal) and i also realised that i really enjoy writing eh. and i mean the informal type of writing, not argumentative essays. HAHA what on earth actually i should have realised this so much earlier because i’ve kept this blog since i was 12 LOL my self awareness is so low but oh well.

i also finished reading another book! it’s bi feiyu’s three sisters which i borrowed from the hive library! i read most of it on the way to/from the chinese doctor. i really should be reading more but using a phone is so much easier.



thoughts that have been bumbling around my head these past few weeks

  • ariel asked about the url of this blog and i explained that i chose it when i was 14, to which she replied that being 14 was only 5 years ago for me, and was actually quite a short time. that led me to realising how different i was back then; and in fact how different i am now from the person i was a few months ago. i am growing and changing every day as long as i am learning new things.
  • which also led me to wonder if i am having cognitive dissonance — learning new information that caused me to change my beliefs. studying psychology has already made me more self-aware.
  • realised some friends are really goal-ariented and i was wondering if i actually know what i want to achieve in uni. 4 years is short but much can be accomplished in that time.
  • but at the same time do i need a specific list of things to do? or is just a general sense of “i wanna do ____ kind of things” enough to guide my actions?
  • anyway i’ve been pretty on top of things this week and it feels nice because i’m getting things done but at the same time have time to relax! ^____^


Awards Ceremony!

Went for TAP orientation on Saturday! It was suuuuch a long day, at the end of it I was too tired to even talk. Luckily Jia Xian (who was sitting next to me on the bus to JP) also felt the same so we just slept on the bus.

Last week was really hectic. I didn’t really have much time to myself and was either rushing from one place to another or doing work, partly because I was trying to catch up. But they were all mundane things so there isn’t much to say. Hopefully this week will be different! And by that I mean less hectic, not more exciting HAHAHA.

Mid Autumn Festival on Thursday! Look at all the pretty colours. My favourite from those here was the red bean one. And on a related note, my family has had too many mooncakes this year. We’ve banned Dad from buying moon cakes on his own from next year onwards.

After that in the evening was TAP’s first session. We mostly observed since we haven’t gone through the induction session yet. There were so many more volunteers than students that day. At our table there was one boy and like 6 of us. After the session we played with lanterns and omg since it was a really long day I was so tired and it showed. I got asked “Are you really tired?” like 3 times. Oops. And the few people that went back to hall (surprisingly, many people from TAP don’t stay in hall) went for supper after that. I just sat on the bus back to my room because whew I am not about that late supper life man.

Dad picked me up soon after (thanks Dad!!!) and we got home past 11. And I slept at one. Which is really bad! And not like my normal self. Even Zann is surprised at how late I sleep now. Quite terrible because sleeping late means I’m too tired to exercise and that also means I eat very lousily. Paired with the mooncakes, not an ideal outcome. Sobs. Gotta get it together this week and reset my sleeping time.

Friday was spent at home doing work. I feel like the benefit of uni is that I get to spend a lot of time at home. Even if it’s doing work and not just spent relaxing/talking to mum, it’s nice. Makes me wonder if I should get a job that I can work from home, haha. Oh, and I also met Nads for lunch at NUH! Since my Biochem tutorial was cancelled I shifted my other Friday tutorial to Thursday and gave myself a free Friday. She was so amazed that I could just do that. Poor thing though, her timetable is super packed so our meet-ups will probably be limited to short lunches together.

On Saturday I got a ride from Dad to the east since he had something on in school and I was going to Ariel’s party. So I studied a bit in his office. It’s a total mess omg none of his files/plaques are standing up straight, it’s like he carefully scattered them on the shelves. But hey, as long as I had a free spot for my things, I wouldn’t mess up his organised chaos. I ended up being the only one from our psych OG that could make it there and felt out of my depth for a while, but Nicolette’s (Ariel’s sister) friends took me under their wing. They were super sweet!! And they even walked my all the way out to the bus stop and aiyo I was touched given that a) hello? Ariel’s sister’s friends? Look at how distant the link is! I think my third cousins removed also won’t be so nice to me HAHAHA, and b) we just met 3 hours ago!

OK on hindsight it was a really hectic week and not filled with mundane stuff. No wonder I felt like I had not time to breathe HAHAHA.

Somehow I feel like since entering NTU I’ve been meeting the most angelic people ever and also people whom I feel comfortable around. Is it because I’m so glad to be out of Hwach? (*sardonic laughter*) Or maybe I have changed since then and am more jokey so it’s easier to find friends? But then maybe I’m more jokey because I can find people I’m comfortable with. Hmm.

I don’t know if I’m counting my chickens before they hatch though. Hopefully I still feel the same about everyone I’ve met a year from now.